There are TV shows that you just watch, and then there are TV shows that consume your entire personality.
For me, that show was The Blacklist.
One minute, I was a normal person binge-watching for entertainment. The next minute, I was fully convinced I was Raymond Reddington—charismatic, powerful, and effortlessly untouchable.
This is my hilariously delusional journey into thinking I was secretly running an international criminal empire.
1. The ‘I Want to Be Like Red’ Moment
At first, it was just admiration.
Me (watching Episode 1): “This guy is smooth. He just walks into the FBI and makes demands?!”
Me (watching Episode 5): “I need to start wearing fedoras.”
Me (watching Episode 10): “I should also have safe houses around the world.”
The Cynic Upstairs: “You don’t even have a second set of house keys, but sure. Dream big.”
2. The Safe House Obsession
After a few seasons, I was fully convinced that I needed multiple secret residences.
Me: “Raymond Reddington has safe houses in every country. I should at least have a backup apartment!”
The Cynic Upstairs: “You struggle to pay rent for one house. Let’s calm down.”
But logic didn’t stop me from Googling ‘How to buy property under a fake name.’
I quickly realized that real estate investment requires money.
Which led me to my next problem—where does Red get all his money?!
3. The Money Fantasy (a.k.a. The Bankroll Delusion)
Raymond Reddington has millions in different bank accounts, cash hidden in vaults, and ‘assets’ all over the world.
Meanwhile, I was struggling to find loose change under my couch.
Me: “I need a contingency fund like Red.”
The Cynic Upstairs: “You need to stop ordering takeout first.”
I even tried to track my expenses to feel more financially strategic.
- Reddington’s Expenses: Bribes, international flights, priceless artifacts.
- My Expenses: Netflix subscription, coffee, and impulse Amazon purchases.
Clearly, I was not on track to being a criminal mastermind.
4. The People Network (That I Don’t Have)
Red has people for everything. He just makes a call, and suddenly—
- Documents appear.
- Enemies disappear.
- Private jets are ready.
Meanwhile, I struggle to find a plumber when my sink is leaking.
Me: “I need to build a network of contacts.”
The Cynic Upstairs: “You still haven’t returned your neighbor’s Tupperware. Good luck building alliances.”
5. The Power Move Attempts
Reddington never raises his voice. He simply commands respect through sheer presence.
I tried doing the same at work.
Me: leans back in chair “You see, the thing about power is—”
Boss: “Why are you talking like that?”
Later that day, I tried ordering coffee like Red.
Me: “I’ll have an Americano. No sugar. No questions. And make it fast.”
Barista: “Uh… okay?”
The Cynic Upstairs: “You look insane. Not powerful. Insane.”
6. The ‘I Need Security’ Phase
After weeks of binge-watching, I became convinced that I needed personal security.
Me: “What if someone is following me?”
The Cynic Upstairs: “No one is following you. You are not that interesting.“
Still, I started checking my surroundings like I was being watched.
One time, a guy walked behind me for three blocks.
Me: “He’s tailing me. This is a setup.”
The Cynic Upstairs: “Or he just lives in your neighborhood. Relax.”
7. The Ultimate Reality Check
One day, after another 8-hour binge session, I looked at my life and realized:
- I don’t own multiple properties.
- I don’t have millions hidden in offshore accounts.
- I don’t have a network of elite professionals.
- I barely have my laundry under control.
That’s when it hit me—
I am not Raymond Reddington.
I am just a guy who watched too many episodes of The Blacklist.
The Cynic Upstairs: “Thank God you realized before you tried buying a fake passport.”
Final Thoughts
The Blacklist didn’t just entertain me. It convinced me I could run a global empire, outsmart the FBI, and operate in the shadows.
Reality? I can’t even outsmart my electricity bill.
I, as always, convince myself I’ll be more practical. The Cynic Upstairs? He’s already preparing for my next delusional binge-watch obsession.
And Netflix? Still recommending more crime dramas.
Ever gotten way too invested in a TV character? Drop your story below—oh wait, this isn’t an intelligence agency. Well, carry on.