The music is loud, the bass is shaking the walls, and the dance floor is a chaotic mix of energy, sweat, and bad decisions.
At the elevated throne of the night stands the DJ, commanding the room, his fingers dancing over knobs and faders like a modern-day sorcerer.
But, like all powerful beings, he is under siege.
The Cynic Upstairs smirks. “Here they come.”
Phase 1: The ‘Play Something We Can Dance To’ Crew
A group of three girls approaches, drinks in hand, smiling like they own the place.
“Heyyyyyy! Can you play something we can DANCE to?”
The DJ looks confused. The entire club is literally dancing.
“What do you mean?”
“You know… like… something FUN!”
He looks at his laptop. The song playing is already a dance anthem.
The Cynic Upstairs snickers. “Translation: ‘Play what we like, because what everyone else is enjoying doesn’t count.’”
Phase 2: The ‘Bro, One Track for Me’ Guy
A guy in a tight black shirt and unnecessary sunglasses leans over the booth.
“Brooooo, listen, just ONE request. Play ‘Levels’ by Avicii, bro. Just one song. Only for me, bro.”
The DJ sighs.
“I’ll see what I can do.”
“Thanks, bro, you’re a legend.”
Five minutes later…
“Bro, why you still didn’t play my song?”
The Cynic Upstairs leans in. “Ah, the classic: ‘If I ask nicely, I’m entitled to a priority playlist change.’”
Phase 3: The ‘Play My Best Friend’s Song’ Enthusiast
A girl, slightly tipsy but very determined, taps on the DJ booth.
“Heyyyy, my best friend just released a song! It’s on SoundCloud, can you play it?”
The DJ blinks in disbelief.
“This is a club, not a launch party.”
“Yeah, but it’s really good! Like, it’s gonna BLOW UP.”
The DJ glances at the thousands of people jumping to a major hit song.
“I’ll check it later.”
“Wait, I have the link right here!” She opens her phone, holding it up.
The Cynic Upstairs grins. “A night club full of people, and she thinks we need a SoundCloud debut.”
Phase 4: The ‘Play Something Hindi, Bro’ Request
A group of guys, fresh off whiskey shots, gathers near the booth.
“Bro, bro, bro, one Hindi song, na?”
“Guys, this is an EDM night.”
“Just ONE! Just Arijit, one time!”
“That’s not how DJ sets work.”
“Okay, okay, but then just ‘Kala Chashma,’ bro. People will go crazy.”
The Cynic Upstairs raises an eyebrow. “No matter the genre, no matter the city—someone will always request ‘Kala Chashma.’”
Phase 5: The ‘Play My Song Again’ Squad
The DJ just played a major hit, and the crowd went wild.
Seconds later, someone appears:
“Bro! Play it AGAIN!”
“I literally just played it.”
“Yeah, but once more na, just one more time!”
The Cynic Upstairs sighs. “Because obviously, a DJ’s job is to run a loop of your favorite song.”
Phase 6: The Bribe Attempt
A well-dressed guy with a Rolex and way too much cologne leans in.
“How much for you to play my song next?”
The DJ stares.
“I’m serious, I’ll pay ₹10,000 right now.”
The Cynic Upstairs whispers, “And there it is—the ‘money can buy everything’ strategy.”
The DJ smirks.
“Double it, and I’ll play it after three songs.”
The guy vanishes into the crowd, never to be seen again.
Phase 7: The ‘Can I DJ?’ Request
A guy, who has clearly watched too many YouTube tutorials, steps up confidently.
“Hey bro, I also DJ, can I take over for one song?”
The DJ gives him the stare of death.
The Cynic Upstairs chuckles. “Yes, because nothing improves a set like handing the booth to a random man at 1 AM.”
The Closing Set & The Final Request
It’s almost 3 AM, and the DJ starts slowing the tempo, wrapping up the night.
And yet, a final warrior appears.
“Bro, just ONE MORE SONG, bro, come on, keep it going!”
The DJ shakes his head, shuts the laptop, and raises his drink in victory.
The Cynic Upstairs leans back.
“And that, my friend, is why DJs drink.”