At some point in life, everyone thinks about writing a book.
Most people don’t do it.
I, on the other hand, took it way too seriously.
- I researched publishing.
- I explored self-publishing on Kindle.
- I even wrote the first few chapters.
And then, in classic me fashion, I backed out at the last minute for the most ridiculous reason possible.
This is my hilarious journey through writing, Googling, and almost becoming an ‘author.’
1. The ‘I Have a Great Idea’ Phase
It started with a spark of genius.
Me: “This is it! The book idea that will change my life!”
For days, I was obsessed.
- Thinking about the plot at work.
- Making character notes at 2 AM.
- Telling my friends, ‘I’m writing a book’ like I was J.K. Rowling.
The Cynic Upstairs: “You haven’t written a SINGLE page yet.”
2. The Google Research Rabbit Hole
Like any serious ‘author,’ I Googled EVERYTHING.
Search history included:
- “How to publish a book and become famous overnight.”
- “Can I make millions with self-publishing?”
- “Does Kindle Publishing actually work or is this a scam?”
- “How to write a book in 30 days (without crying).”
One article claimed anyone could publish a book on Kindle in 24 hours.
Me: “WHAT?! I could be a published author by tomorrow?!”
The Cynic Upstairs: “Yes, just like you were ‘going to lose weight by Monday.’”
3. The Writing Process (a.k.a. The Struggle)
With full motivation, I sat down to write.
Day 1: Wrote 500 words. Felt like a literary genius.
Day 2: Wrote another 1,000 words. Imagined my future book signing events.
Day 3: Re-read what I wrote. Hated everything.
Me: “This is garbage. Am I even a writer?”
Instead of fixing it, I went back to Googling.
Search history:
- “Can you hire someone to finish your book?”
- “What if my book is terrible?”
- “Can self-published authors delete their book if they regret it?”
4. The Great Kindle Publishing Experiment
Eventually, I convinced myself to just upload it to Kindle.
Me: “Let’s DO THIS! Kindle Publishing, here I come!”
I followed the step-by-step guide:
- Step 1: Upload manuscript. (Done!)
- Step 2: Create a book cover. (Spent 3 hours designing something ‘minimalist’ that looked like a PowerPoint slide.)
- Step 3: Set the price. (PANIC.)
Me: “How much should I charge?!”
The Cynic Upstairs: “₹99. You’re not Shakespeare.”
Then came Step 4: Publish.
I hovered over the final ‘Publish’ button.
I was seconds away from being a ‘real author.’
And then…
5. The Ridiculous Reason I Backed Out
Just before clicking ‘Publish,’ I had a horrifying realization.
Me: “Wait… what if someone I KNOW reads this?!”
- What if my friends make fun of my writing?
- What if my mom reads it and finds out I used the word ‘damn’?!
- What if some random stranger leaves a 1-star review?!
PANIC.
I closed my laptop immediately.
The Cynic Upstairs: “So let me get this straight. You’re okay with complete strangers reading your book… but the thought of ONE person you know reading it terrifies you?”
Me: “Yes. EXACTLY.”
The Cynic Upstairs: “You are not normal.“
6. The Aftermath (A.k.a. Denial Mode)
After my near-publishing experience, I went into full denial.
- Told myself ‘I wasn’t ready yet.’
- Claimed I was just ‘editing’ the book (a lie).
- Convinced myself self-publishing is overrated.
And just like that, my book never saw the light of day.
The Cynic Upstairs: “So much effort, only to self-sabotage at the last second. Classic.”
7. The ‘Maybe I’ll Try Again’ Phase
Months later, I stumbled across my half-finished book.
Me: “Hey, this isn’t THAT bad… Maybe I should publish it?”
The Cynic Upstairs: “Here we go again…”
And thus, the cycle repeats.
Final Thoughts
Becoming an author is not just about writing.
It’s about overcoming self-doubt, fear of judgment, and your own stupidity.
I, as always, convince myself I’ll finish the book someday. The Cynic Upstairs? He’s already preparing for my next excuse.
And my Kindle Publishing account? Still empty.
Ever almost published something and backed out? Drop your story below—oh wait, this isn’t a writers’ therapy group. Well, carry on.