It’s December, and that means only one thing in India’s aviation world—fog, smog, and flight delays so bad they make train schedules look efficient.
My originally scheduled two-hour flight has now been delayed by four hours, thanks to dense fog in North India, which has set off a cascading domino effect across every airport in the country.
I sit in the airport lounge, watching the screens mock me with their endless updates:
- Flight XX123 – Delayed
- Flight XX456 – Rescheduled
- Flight XX789 – Cancelled (Good Luck!)
At this point, I do what anyone in my situation would do—I grab a drink, make peace with my fate, and accidentally find myself in a long conversation with the cabin crew.
And, of course, The Cynic Upstairs, my ever-present, troublemaking inner voice, is thrilled.
Cynic Upstairs: “Ah, perfect. You are now a captive audience for people who’ve seen humanity at its absolute worst—cabin crew. This will be fun.”
Me: “I’ll just listen. Maybe I’ll learn something.”
Cynic Upstairs: “Oh, you will. And you won’t like it.”
Phase 1: The Introduction – ‘Oh, You Think Passengers Are Normal?’
I make small talk with a senior flight attendant, trying to keep things light.
Me: “So, December must be a tough time for airlines, huh?”
She laughs the laugh of someone who has seen things no human should see.
Flight Attendant: “You have NO idea. The fog delays are bad, but the passengers? Worse.”
The other crew members at the table nod in solemn agreement.
Cynic Upstairs: “This is it. The moment you realize that ‘difficult passengers’ are just ‘passengers’ in December.”
I sip my drink, bracing myself for what’s coming.
Phase 2: The ‘I Paid for This Seat’ Business Class Nightmare
Flight Attendant #2: “First, we have the ‘I paid for this seat’ passenger. You know the type. They buy a business class ticket and assume we are their personal butlers.”
I nod cautiously.
Me: “I mean… they did pay extra.”
Flight Attendant #1: “Yes, for a bigger seat, not a personal kingdom.”
- They demand constant refills.
- They ring the call button like it’s a video game.
- They act shocked if we don’t carry their exact brand of champagne.
Cynic Upstairs: “So basically, they think they’re in a 5-star hotel, but at 35,000 feet.”
Flight Attendant: “Exactly. One guy once asked me if I could ‘make his seat softer.’”
I stare at her.
Me: “What did you say?”
Flight Attendant: “I told him, ‘Sir, the laws of physics prevent me from changing the seat cushioning mid-flight.’”
I burst out laughing.
Cynic Upstairs: “Brilliant. Next time you fly business, make sure you don’t sound like this guy.”
I make a mental note.
Phase 3: The ‘Vegetarian, No Onion, No Garlic, But Also Chicken’ Passenger
Flight Attendant #3: “Then there’s the ‘Special Meal’ passenger. Oh god, the food requests.”
She sighs, and the other crew members groan in unison.
Flight Attendant #1: “Passengers will literally book a Veg meal and then ask if we have chicken.”
I blink. Hard.
Me: “Wait… what?”
Flight Attendant: “Yep. One guy asked for ‘pure vegetarian, no onion, no garlic’ but also wanted fish.”
Cynic Upstairs: “You have to respect the confidence. He didn’t want logic, just customization.”
I sip my drink slowly, processing this.
Phase 4: The ‘I Can’t Sit in This Seat’ Passenger
Flight Attendant #2: “Then there’s the passenger who refuses to sit in their assigned seat.”
Me: “Oh, like someone wanting an upgrade?”
Flight Attendant: “No, no. Worse. They just… reject the seat. Like, morally.”
I laugh, thinking she’s joking. She isn’t.
Flight Attendant: “One guy sat down, looked at the seat, and said, ‘I don’t feel good vibes from this seat. Can I change?’”
Me: “Wait, WHAT?”
Cynic Upstairs: “Oh no. A seat… with bad vibes?”
Flight Attendant: “Yep. We had to move him because he could not handle ‘Seat 11A’s energy.’”
I stare into the distance, wondering how humanity has survived this long.
Phase 5: The ‘Sir, This is Not Your House’ Passenger
Flight Attendant #3: “And then… we have that passenger.”
I raise an eyebrow.
Me: “Which one?”
Flight Attendant: “The one who gets too comfortable. The ‘sir, this is not your house’ guy.”
- They take off their shoes immediately.
- They put their feet on the walls, seats, tray tables.
- They walk around the cabin barefoot.
I shudder.
Me: “Do people actually do that?”
The crew just stares at me.
Cynic Upstairs: “Oh no. You sweet, innocent fool. You have no idea how bad it gets.”
Flight Attendant: “I once found a guy SLEEPING on the floor near the galley. Just… curled up. Like a cat.”
I put my drink down, horrified.
Phase 6: The Passenger Who Thinks They Can Bargain
Flight Attendant #1: “Oh, and let’s not forget the ‘bargainer.’ The passenger who thinks the plane is a street market.”
I squint.
Me: “What do you mean?”
Flight Attendant: “They negotiate EVERYTHING.”
- ‘Can I get an upgrade for free?’
- ‘I only had one glass of wine—why can’t I get another for free?’
- ‘I don’t like my seat—can I have a business class one just for landing?’
Cynic Upstairs: “Look at you, pretending you haven’t tried to get an extra drink for free.”
I sip my drink, refusing to comment.
Final Thoughts: I Am the Problem
At this point, I realize something.
- I have asked for extra drinks.
- I have tried to change my seat.
- I have been mildly guilty of at least one of these behaviors.
The crew looks at me. They know.
Cynic Upstairs: “So, how does it feel to know that you are part of the problem?”
I look down at my drink.
Me: “Let’s just say I’ll be a much quieter passenger on my next flight.”
The crew laughs.
The Cynic Upstairs laughs harder.
And my flight is still delayed.